I woke up very early, laying on the floor and sweating on a small couch pillow. I didn't want to be awake so early, there was no reason for it, so I just laid there for probably half an hour longer. At early wakings like that, I usually get stricken by immense feelings of regret regarding small details from inconsequential events in my past. Most of the time the regret stems not from blatant errors or missteps so much as it does from oversight and missed opportunities; wasted time. It's not so much what I've done, so much as all that I didn't do, that brings me anxiety and prevents me from falling back asleep. Maybe those events wouldn't have been so inconsequential...
I began to get kinda hungry but didn't want to make real food right then so I went downstairs and grabbed a banana. It worked just fine for the moment, but honestly I should have known better. Bananas at any other time of the day are just fine but for whatever reason (probably a belly full of rotten vodka) bananas in the morning make me puke. Like, without fail I will throw up about half an hour after eating a banana unless I've already had a real meal. I've seen the Tosh segment about kids drinking 7Up and eating bananas as a method to vomitarily get out of school for the day; I guess the same gastronomical property being applied there also applies to waking up hungover.
For a little while I half-passed-out due to post-spew exhaustion, but it wasn't real sleep and soon enough I was hungry again. I decided to just get up and try to begin my day. I went downstairs and made some eggs; eating that made me feel like a whole person once more. It was still early as fuck and I felt just pointless, like a completely pointless entity, so I went out on a little walk to clear my mind.It was already too warm and I was too shitty for an actual jog, but a walk sounded nice.
There are some mile-markers on the trail next to my house that I did the extremely-simple math for; I'm trying to figure out my mileage here. If you go the direction from my house towards Albertsons, where it ends on the hill with the single tree, you'll find a marker that says "1.5 mile". Lately I've been choosing that direction whenever I do rarely decide to leave my house, but I knew there was another marker in the opposite direction, where the cul-de-sac next to mine has its trail entrance. I had noticed them before but this was the first time I had ever paid attention to what the markers actually said. That next one is the "2 mile" marker, so apparently it's a half-mile from the tree-hill to the 2nd cul-de-sac. When I jog from my house to the tree-hill and back, it's nearly a full mile. That's very helpful information. I've never actually watched that show "Parks and Recreation" but I imagine that this is the type of thing they do.Thanks for that addition to the trail, Murrieta City Planning people. I very much appreciate it.
There were a lot of bunnies out that morning and they were like, unafraid of me; they didn't scurry or anything until I was pretty much directly next to them. I walked down past the cul-de-sac, past the ledge where "VELOR" used to do really cool graffiti pieces that have since been painted over. He went back and left a message: "Please just let me paint here!" with a sad-face next to it.That sucks. His stuff was really cool. Further down, as the trail goes downhill, he wrote "Hi Mom" on a utility box latched to a telephone pole.
I wanted to find the next mile-marker, the "2.5 mile" marker, and I was sure that it was just past where the trail breaks at N General Kearney. I got all the way out to the gate past the street, the one kids crawl under to skate in the basin, and still hadn't come across it. Why would it have been taken down? How have I seen it in passing before but now that I'm actively seeking it out, it's gone? My first inclination was to blame imaginary roving gangs of unruly teens causing mayhem with no regard for the honest trail-using citizens of the community like myself, but some mysteries can never be solved.
The house that my brothers and I grew up in is being foreclosed on right now and we don't know how much longer we are gonna be there or where we are all gonna go when it eventually happens, which is something that I try not to think about too much even though it affects every single aspect of my life so much more than the meaningless things I do put alot of time into. As I walked back home, past the house where the dogs snarl at the fence and past the spot where we used to spend entire weekends building bike jumps, it hit me how much I am going to miss this trail when we don't live next to it anymore. I feel like I took it for granted, like it was always gonna be a part of my life. I love this trail.I had my first kiss on this trail, before either of us knew how to kiss. I got into my first fight on this trail, before either of us knew how to fight. This trail knows me and I'm truly gonna miss having it a part of my everyday existence. I don't want to move.
I had gotten a bit more hungry during my walk so when I went back inside I ate 2 pieces of bread. I tried to lie back down but the walk had done nothing to calm my spirits. If anything I was a bit more anxious than I had already been. Clearly sleep wasn't in the cards for me so I begrudgingly got back up.
I got my mom's tablet and streamed an album by iamsu, a Bay-area rapper who's opening up the main stage for Rock The Bells this year. My listening schedule for this month fluctuates between artists performing at upcoming festivals that I probably will not go to and and artists performing at upcoming SoCal club shows that I probably will not go to. iamsu fell into the former portion of that criteria. I was pretty unenthused with his album actually, it was okay at times but he's doing that sing-song rapping style that Drake popularized and that's lame. He had a rhyme in one of his songs that went, "I be running shit, call me diarrhea." I found that to be unforgivably ridiculous and pretty much a death-nail for the entire album. I posted the offending song "E.S.P.N." to Facebook in a mocking fashion and my friend Damien - who records hip hop as DNVSTY - commented almost instantly on the post saying that iamsu is legit and I am dumb, basically. I just went ahead and deleted that post.
During the album I cleaned up my desk, which was covered with clutter and trash. Sometimes I don't understand how the mess gets so bad. Why can't I be a little but more proactive about things? Why don't I just put stuff away when I'm finished with it or put away the laundry when it's done? Why do I let shit pile up until it's unmanageable?
I put my broken stereo under the bathroom sink where I put all my broken electronics; I feel bad about throwing stuff like that in the trash but I don't know where 'electronic waste pickups' etc. are located so it all just gets put under the sink. I got my bags of trash together, along with my bag of vodka jugs for the recycle, and brought them out to the bins outside. It was a nice day.
KP let me know that everybody was going to Sandia Creek for the day and that sounded like a great idea. I took a shower and he picked me up a little bit later. It's beautiful up there and we had a great time hanging out in nature with our close friends.
I'm not gonna write about that.
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